Step Zero

Today marks two weeks sober. And this week I will formally begin Step 1 with my sponsor.

For a homework assignment, ask yourself the following questions:

(1) Do you want what we have?  In fact, ask yourself, what is it that we have?  What is it that you want to attain?

(2) Are you willing to go to any lengths?  At this point, is there anything you are not willing to do?

(3) Do you feel ready to take the steps?

1) Yes. I want what sober people have. I want to live a happy and productive life, with meaningful relationships, where I feel comfortable enough to express myself, without needing the crutch of alcohol.

I want to be comfortable in my own skin. Happy and proud of who I am.

2) I am willing to do everything my sponsor tells me. Even things I think are silly. Or stupid. Like my first homework assignment which was annotating the forward to the Big Book.

I have to be honest in saying that I’m a little cynical about the whole process. I still don’t see how attending multiple meetings a week will help me. Ideally in looking for a “cure” where I don’t have to spend the rest of my life trying to be sober. I want to just achieve sobriety. And then live.

One of my good friends has been working at sobriety a while now. And it’s the single thing that defines his life. It’s a big part of his identity. Being an alcoholic was never what defined my life. It was a small part of it.

I want the meaningful relationships that come with attending the meetings. But the time commitment is a bit worrying at this point.

3) I feel as ready as I’ll ever be. I’ve known this was a problem for a while now. I wouldn’t say that I’m enthusiastic about it. But I’m ready nonetheless.